May I Offer a Little Friendly Advice?

There is an old saying: "Free advice is only worth what you paid for it". Well, hold on! Not everything that is free is completely worthless. Consider the air we breathe. Yes, there are times when advice can be good and beneficial to its receiver. There is another adage: "The best things in life are... FREE". Perhaps more than the actual advice, we should better scrutinize the source. WHO is the one imparting the sage wisdom? Are they actually a sage? In other words, is it someone who actually has experience in that field?

When I was in business school, we had the occasional adjunct professor teach some of the upper class courses. An "adjunct" was someone who was not on regular staff, but still worked in the industry of which they were teaching. That being the case, they were usually night classes. I always had this feeling that the regular faculty didn't like adjuncts. Nonetheless, THEY are the ones from whom I learned the most. If I saw an instructors name in the course catalog I didn't recognize, I knew it was probably a business owner or CEO. It would be someone I could ask real-world questions and get a straight answer. An answer based on experience and not what was already written in the textbook. In other words, I valued their advice.   

In real estate, it is estimated over half of all agents nationally quit after the first year in the industry.   One major reason for the high turnover is rookies feel they are not adequately trained in the BUSINESS of real estate. Over a decade ago, I was a real estate trainer for one of the largest RE/Max franchises in the country. It was a job I enjoyed and held that position for about five years. The program I put in place for new agents was hugely successful as evidenced by the stint of their careers. The training was said to be so good that veteran agents of other companies would recommend their friends who wanted to get into real estate to come see me! The managing broker loved me.

Given the acclaim from within as well as externally, you would think all the newbies would always hang on to every word I said in our training meetings, right? Nope! A new agent would knock on my office door and ask "Do you have a minute"? I always made the time. Once they asked a question or told me of a challenge they were having, I would tell them the best course of action or even offer a couple of suggestions. USUALLY, it was based on an experience I actually had throughout the course of my own career. I was puzzled the times they would not heed my words and go it their own way, sometimes re-inventing the wheel.   

On one particular incident, one of my agents asked if she could simply use the old house photos from an online listing that had expired with another company. Though I had never heard of such, I told her it was best she take her own listing photos and "start fresh". Simple enough, right? It may have been laziness on her part, but it certainly was not by accident she posted the old agents pictures online. Three days later the broker of the expired listing's company called my broker and words were exchanged. I believe the topic was intellectual property rights. Once my young agent caught wind of the conversation, she called the old agent and further exacerbated the situation. Feelings were hurt and there was now bad blood between the two firms, which in real estate is NOT good. Not good at all. All she had to do was take my advice... and her own damned photos.

What I realized was there are people who seek validation rather than unbiased advice. They have an idea and go to the expert. IF the expert agrees... YAY! But if the veteran dissents, they simply do what it is they really wanted to do all along. I use to be extremely annoyed by this, as I considered my time was wasted. Now I see it is part of being human. To varying degrees we all do this. We get it in our head what we want to do, but ask opinions of others to cover ourselves. This is why it is vitally important to suspend making final decisions on important issues until enough workable information is in. Granted, it's hard to separate our emotions from a logical decision. That's the human part I was talking about. Consider all the down on their luck gamblers in Las Vegas; a prime example of not separating ideas from emotion.   

Real estate is a tough career, but so is public speaking. I'm not even talking about being on stage. That is only 10% of it, the tip of the iceberg. As a public speaker and corporate trainer, I have about ten people a year ask me how to get started as a motivational speaker. I always stop what I am doing and take time to talk to them and answer any question they have. Why? Because a lot of successful speakers along the way stopped to talk to ME. They gave me advice and I took it. I always let novice speakers know the one most IMPORTANT bit of advice I can spare for someone just getting in the business; join Toastmasters International. Toastmasters is a public speaking club where one can learn the skills. The cost is only about $100 annually and generally, members are warm and welcoming. So, how many would-be Tony Robbins took me up on my advice? None! Not a single person I ran into again or called a month later actually joined Toastmasters. My guess is their dream is more attractive than the actual work of bringing it into reality. 

My advice to you: the next time you seek someone's opinion and their idea is contrary to what you initially thought, do further fact finding. However, they may be able to spare you some heartaches and stress. Has this person actually done what it is you want to do? If not, then WHY are you asking them?  Find someone qualified with real-world experience. If something isn't as easy as you originally thought it was, you're probably on the right track.    

http://MomentumSeminars.com
MomentumSemianrs@gmail.com

Are you LISTENING to me? Well, probably NOT!

When I say the word; "communication", what comes to mind? Likely you think of someone speaking, either publicly or inter-personally. You might  have even though of MASS communication which brings to mind TV and radio. Either of which involves someone talking. Have you ever stopped to think listening is part of that communication? In fact, it's exactly fifty per cent. It doesn't really matter what someone says if there is no one there to listen. Without the other participant in the communication process, the idea put forth might as well be an individual thought never leaving the senders mind. It's like that old adage, "if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it... who cut it down", or something like that.          

As a public speaker, I am all too aware of the importance of constructing thoughts in such a way, it will be understood and hopefully, well received by my audience. Also important are vocal qualities and platform skills. However, I am completely at the mercy of my listeners as to whether they WANT to receive my message. When it comes to small groups or talking one-on-one, the same concept applies. The effectiveness of my idea or concept is only as good as someone who is willing to hear and accept it. Again, I am at their mercy. We have all had those conversations where we were not sure our partner was truly listening, or perhaps we even "zoned out" ourselves. Why in our culture, do we put such an emphasis on the one doing the talking as the one who is active, engaged or putting forth an effort when it comes to sharing ideas? We view the one making the noise as someone DOING something, but what about the receiver? Is that person not also supposed to be actively engaged in the conversation?    

Indeed, "active listening" is a skill, unfortunately, not one appreciated my most people today. Many will be polite and allow someone else to finish his or her thought, but the entire time they are deep in thought as to what they will say next. "Quiet time" is only long enough for someone to shut up. But when the shoe is on the other foot, can we be assured to receive better consideration? That's why I like to quiz my listeners with "what are YOUR thoughts on that"? In truth, we've all been caught off guard at one time or another. Here are a few pointers to help you listen more actively; 

Rest - your mind. Don't jump to a conclusion of what you think the other person is going say next and suspend judgement until they have completely finished their thought.

Resist - the urge to interrupt with your own thought or point of view. Instead, when you have a salient point write a one-word note to prompt yourself to visit that idea later. We must also resist the urge to judge. Allow the talker to finish his or her statement. Scrutinize his or her thought only after that person has completely explained the idea. 

Respond - with short signs of attentiveness such as; "oh", uh-huh" and "I see". Short questions, such as, "What happened next?" will show your communication partner you are listening. Also, send visual cues that you are engaged in what the person is saying by nodding your head and uncrossing your arms. 

Restate - on occasion, in your own words to let the listener know you truly internalized the point they were making. Comments like "So, you're telling me your challenge with this project is..." assures both parties are on the same page. 

Reiterate - what you believe to be key points of what the speaker is saying. This could even be done in the form of a question and followed up with "tell me more about that". 

Reflect - on the entire message when the other is done talking. You may even want to apply what you heard to your own experiences or something that affects you. How could what you just learned HELP you?

By following these simple concepts, you can eliminate much confusion which might otherwise accompany a dialogue. Not only does this apply to interpersonal speech but to sales calls as well. By simply listening, you may uncover a new need or unstated objection that will eventually lead to the sale. When someone is talking, just be patient, hear them out and when it's your turn to speak, insist they do the same.

You Have Control Issues and Your Employer Knows it!

We all have control issues, and your work's office building confirms it. That's right, a lot of those "I'm in charge" buttons are just for show! But when it comes to overall satisfaction on the job, your employer has a trick or two up their sleeves.

If  you arrive at the job site and need to cross the street between parking and work, that button for the street crossing sign may very well be inert. Though, it's not the case in all areas, New York City did admit years ago that when they upgraded the pedestrian crosswalk signs to timed circuitry, they left the old buttons on the sign poles. The reason; it made people think the light would change for them sooner and discourage jay walking.

You then head inside the building and enter the elevator a little late because you had to wait on a fake street sign. After selecting your floor, you reach for the "door close" button. You know, the one with the two arrows facing each other. Again, you've been duped. Though elevator manufacturers insist the buttons do work, they generally don't engage without a fireman's key. So why install a push button at all? To help alleviate the frustration of waiting a whole 2.3 seconds. In short, it allows you to feel in control of the situation.

But the manipulation does not stop there! When you finally arrive at your desk, a crossing light and 2.3 seconds late, you may feel the need to adjust the temperature controls to create just the right working environment. It's estimated that over half of the free standing thermostats in larger office buildings are completely FAKE! Why the elaborate sham? If you are cold, more than likely someone down the hall is hot and vice versa. However, your company doesn't want to have to reconcile physical comfort concerns of an entire company based on whose cubicle is nearest a large window and gets the sun. To put a lock box box around a functioning unit would only elicit more complaints. The actual degree setting is generally the exact same for a particular season, but the phony dials create a placebo effect that will allow you to get back to work.

Almost a hundred years ago, research was conducted at a factory in Cicero, Illinois. The study was to see if affecting the variables such as light, temperature, humidity and even music in the work environment would increase productivity. All of these adjustments had a nominal effect on overall output. The biggest factor in the study was not the adjustments, but the fact that they were conducted at all. Workers assumed that their employer was making the changes to please the employees, and therefore... cared. Known as the Hawthorne Effect, this was a groundbreaking study indeed. That simply the attitude of employers toward their workers would in and of itself increase productivity.

Going through life pushing buttons and making tiny adjustments to EVERYTHING adds stress to our lives, robs us of our joy, and blinds us to the opportunities to see the world in a different way; as it truly is. We cannot choose with whom our children fall in love, if we will be in an accident on the way home or whether we will even have a job next week. My advice; slow down, draw a deep breath, take a placebo (tick tacks work pretty well) and understand you are not in control of most things in your life, especially on the job. Admitting as much is half the battle. Relinquishing the need for control allows you to shake off stress, clear your mind, and do what your company really wants; get back to work.  

http://speakingforeffect.com/
BlaineSpeak@gmail.com

The Little Red Squiggly Lines of Imperfection

So many people want to keep a perfect track record. As though THAT was more important than actually doing the job itself. I have stated several times to friends and family; "perfection is a myth". This concept of never being willing to make a mistake is sadly permeating our society. It's not just with the young people, either. Those changing career fields, also seem to have a certain aversion to failure. Granted, there's nothing wrong with wanting to do a job well. That's admirable, though it shouldn't stifle our ability to perform at all.

Those who wish to over analyze a situation will always be surpassed by those willing to "stumble forward". I recall something a friend of mine told me he heard from a former Chief Justice in one of his law classes; "The 'A' students will go on to teach, the 'C' students will do well for themselves, but the 'B' students will make all the money". That just always stuck with me. But isn't it contrary to conventional wisdom? Shouldn't it be the heads of the class who make the money?  After all, they had the best notes! Of course, you know the answer, life doesn't hand you notes. What life does hand us, is a series of lessons if we are willing to learn them.

We can think of countless success stories of famous people who were preceded by a long string of failures. Many times, these people overcame rough upbringings, family members who refuse to encourage their vision, lack of education, or economic hardships only to go on and invent the spinning spaghetti fork, or latest nose hair trimmer. When these people experienced setbacks, did they ask their college for a reimbursement on their tuition or simply try another way based on what didn't work previously?  As Alvin Toffler stated; “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn. ” That in mind, why do we seem so averse to learning what life has to teach us?

Many in business have drawn the erroneous conclusion that making mistakes is somehow bad. Is it? Most days, people make mistakes and never even know it. If ignorance is truly bliss, then perfection equals... well, ignorance. To a greater point, we are perhaps most afraid of looking bad to our peers or feeling as though we fell short of the skills of our competitors. But are the abilities of our colleagues and competition that much superior to ours? Or, did they come into their own by just not caring as much about OUR opinions of them? In other words, are they free from the additional stress of what others think, so they just go ahead and "mess up"? It was Thomas Edison who said; "I haven't failed, I just found 10,000 ways that won't work". We all know what kind of a loser he was!

Still, the sense of everything in our lives being flawless, is to what many in America aspire. At what point in our lives do we come to learn that everything must be an elusive 100%? Was it our family, grade school, college or career that led us to form such a judgement?  That's right, I just spelt "judgment" with two "E"s. Though the little, red, squiggly line tells me I 'goofed', I'm just fine with it. After all, it doesn't change what you perceived me to write, nor the point. My advice; don't be afraid to live your life with little, red, squiggly lines!

http://speakingforeffect.com/
BlaineSpeak@gmail.com

Still Waiting on Your "Moment of Zen"?

About a week ago, I had the fortune of meeting Rudy Ruettiger. You know, of "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy..." fame. Though given his small stature, he was still able to do what everyone said he could not do on the Notre Dame football field; COMPETE. I remember watching this inspirational movie with a room full of my Fraternity Brothers back in the mid 90's. His life, and the movie are truly motivational. Sean Astin's portrayal of a doggedly determined young man reminded all of us to simply never give up on our dreams. Though none of my Brother's would ever admit to it, I knew for certain several were almost in tears. I however, maintained my composure... well, at least in the A-frame where we were all assembled.

 

When I heard Rudy was coming to town, I knew I needed to see the man and hear him speak live. For years, I had heard he was a powerful keynote speaker, who was very motivational. Not only did I want to pick up some pointers on public speaking, but I confess I also wanted to feel "inspired". Inspired to do what, you ask? Well, I wasn't exactly sure, but if I did a back flip, or just ran around the gym floor like a chicken with my head cut off, THEN I would know I got my 20 bucks worth! So many times, people find themselves waiting for someone to give them a reaction. ANY reaction. All too often, these people go down a negative path thinking this other person will eventually bring them happiness. Okay, fine, we all need those little jolts to our system every now and then, but why wait on someone else to do that for us?  

 

A "moment of Zen", is when a Taoist does something to preoccupy their mind, while waiting for truth to reveal itself. Stuff like contemplating one's naval. All I ever found was lint. Or perhaps to ponder the paradoxical question "what is the sound of one hand clapping?" Here's the answer; it's exactly half as loud as two hands clapping. But do we really need an outside influence, or to put our brains on hold to have an epiphany? Wait, let me think on that for a while.... NO! The answer is "no", we do not need to put our brains on hold!  

 

During Mr. Ruettiger's speech, the one thing he said that really stuck out in my mind the most was; "Dreams come to you when you're inspired". I had to ponder that for awhile. What did he MEAN by that? Was he speaking a higher wisdom, than my little mind could not translate? Was this a carefully crafted syntax that only a few people in the room, who attended a secret meeting before, would be able to understand? Was this a "code" of some sort? No, I believe what he meant was if your life is mundane, or you do not feel inspired to do something great... seek out your inspiration. In the immortal words of another equally motivational movie (City Slickers), "Go find your smile".  

 

You don't need a "guru" to tell you how to be your best. Just LOOK at all the people around you who have already overcome great adversities... or in your own life. Then ask "how can I bottle that"? How can I keep my goal ever present and in the forefront of my mind? For some, those questions may be more basic; "what makes me happy", or "what makes me feel good about myself"?  These are really good questions with which many so-called successful people still struggle.   

 

So, let's review. I attended an event with a motivational speaker, only to have that speaker tell me I didn't need him to be motivated. Essentially, I could be my own source of inspiration to help me realize my dreams. Now, THIS was my moment of Zen! My "ah-hah" moment! The epiphany for which I was looking... and I could have just stayed at home.    

 

So, would I ever pay to go hear Rudy speak again? Well, yeah, probably. But not because I need some new pearl of wisdom that would unlock the secret of life-long bliss, I just need a gentle reminder from time to time to make sure I am on the right track. Also, it was nice to know that Rudy himself was so... nice. After the event, he took time to shake hands with everyone who wanted to see him. As a long line of people told him one after another what his story meant to them, I would occasionally see him come almost to tears. To which neither I nor my Fraternity Brothers would ever allow. But maybe Rudy really is the bigger man after all. "Thank you", Rudy! NOT for inspiring me, as much as reminding me I can motivate myself. 

 

 www.SpeakingForEffect.com

 

So, Just ASK, already!

Do not underestimate the power of asking for that which you desire. In business, it is generally expected that after the "pitch", comes the "ask". It must be in that order, too. Why would a buyer or potential client do business with someone else, without knowing all the facts first? As Realtors, we rehearse our presentation and practice eliminating objections, but we give little consideration to actually getting the ink on paper. Too often, business people sit back after we have shown all the graphs, answered all the questions, and simply STARE at the prospect. The prospect finds this really creepy, by the way. Without asking for the order, the default answer is always "No". Even worse than not actually asking for the contract, we may give the feckless "so, what do you think"?

Asking also plays a big role in charities, recreation, and civic organizations as well. Years ago, I was curious as to why there wasn't more participation in the annual Chili cook-off in my real estate office. The Managing Broker of the company told me, "Some times, people just want to be asked". That really struck me as odd. This was something we did every year in the Fall, and everyone always partook and had fun. So, it's not like people didn't know to enter the contest, especially since it was posted, mentioned in a meeting, and followed up in email. After all, if an opportunity was available, or a position open, such as "Snack Chairman" for the high school volleyball team, wouldn't people just raise their own hand, and say; "yes, I would relish the opportunity to be the Snack Chair this year". I followed her guidance, and sure enough, we were able to double the participants, and everyone enjoyed the party.


Some time later, that same real estate broker needed to fill an Office Manager position at the firm. She must have had over a dozen applicants. She selected three or four potential hires for an interview. After the process, she confided in me, her decision came down to the one interviewee who actually ASKED for the job. I was under the assumption being grilled for twenty minutes on what animal you would be if you lived in a forest, WAS asking for the job. Apparently, not. The lady stated how much she really needed the job, and actually vocalized the words; "Will you hire me?". Turned out, she was a really good fit for the office, and she never for a second indicated she took the position for granted.

Seeking a favor puts us at a disadvantaged position. When negotiating, we want to come from a position of power and strength, but in asking, we admit the ball is in the other person's court. Many times, the ball IS NOT in our own court, and coming to that realization puts a knot in our stomach. Nonetheless, formally requesting the business is where the rubber meets the road. Even being denied your request is certainly a better position to come from than; making your presentation, dodging objections and being grilled for half an hour, only to toss out "So, what do you think" in the end. My advice; swallow your pride, and just ask!

 http://speakingforeffect.com/

Where Are Your New Year's Resolutions?

Well, how have you done so far? July is the half-way mark for the year. Were you half the way to your goals? Do you even remember what they were? Be honest. No, my intention is not to pour salt into an open wound, but merely to pose a very simple question; Where are your New Years resolutions? We put a lot of stock in our dreams, and we give a lot of significance to the plans we make for achieving them, but do those plans actually move us closer to where we want to be in life.

According to a recent article in Forbes Magazine, only 8% of Americans actually achieve their resolutions. Yikes! Statistically, speaking (92% to be exact) I will NOT achieve my year-end goals. Now what? Anything but admit defeat! I know, I can "kick start" my goals anew. Re-energize my vision. Re-discover my purpose. Re-align my chakras. Maybe get in touch with my inner child?

What is a "goal" any way? It's a dream we write down on a piece of paper to make us feel like we have accomplished something, or that we're at least on our way. It's something we can tangibly hold in our hands in lieu of the actual situation. And as soon as that ink on paper becomes a reality, we'll be happy. We post it on our bathroom mirror to remind us of it every morning, or better yet place it in our purse or wallets so we can review it a few times a day.  In short, we get a certain short-term satisfaction for having done something positive that day. We begin to take charge of our lives! Sadly, reviewing our little wish lists, is not taking action.

A world-famous motivational speaker once said "set the type of goals that excite you to get out of the bed in the morning".  Of course, you could scrap those goals all together, and simply BECOME the person you want to be. That's right, simply take on the disciplines and behaviors of the top sales rep in your company, act as if you were already regional manager, or someone who has already lost 50 pounds. We can incorporate the aspects of a positive personality TODAY, and that will get us to where we want to be a whole lot faster than a slip of paper. In order for us to redesign our lives, it's going to take... wait for it... CHANGE. If we're being honest with ourselves, the average human, not coming out of some sort of traumatic experience, simply does not want to change. There's too much work involved, and we have to look at the not so positive habits currently in our lives. I think we avoid change not only out of complacency, but more the fact that change today is to admit we were WRONG yesterday.

Thomas Edison didn't create hundreds of inventions because he ran on a treadmill, made solid hedge fund investments, nor because he got out of bed any earlier. In fact, he was known for taking naps. He made the world a brighter place simply because he was, well, Thomas Edison. He accomplished all he wanted not by wishing on a star, or waiting for his ship to come in, or win it big in the lottery. He just did what the inventor of the light bulb WOULD do to achieve success. He failed hundreds of times just on this one endeavor, but he continued to change, alter, and modify the process. He was flexible, and not afraid to admit he failed along the way. There was a passion inside who he was that he would never find on a sticky note.

Where are your new years resolutions? If they are nowhere in sight, don't worry, you can essentially achieve them today. You just have to become a little better version of yourself and do things outside of your comfort zone, that includes admitting failures along the way.  If you're in the magic 8%, far be it from me to pour cold water on your endeavors. Go get 'em!  But you better hurry, it will soon be October, and I will ask you the same question again.

http://speakingforeffect.com/
BlaineSpeak@gmail.com

You Are Out of Control!

This past year, a recurring theme in the Sunday School Class of my wife and mine, has been that of “control”. At no point have any of the lessons contained the word in its title, but in analyzing the root cause for relationship issues, lack of humility, unhappiness at work, or just plain being a curmudgeon, the “C” word keeps popping up.   

I’m a self-confessed ‘control freak’, just ask my wife, or the other two people in my family to which I issue commands. It’s not that I think everyone should use their turn signals each and every time they change lanes, but rather that they just need to stay home if they don’t intend to do so. That makes perfect sense to me; freedom of choice. Abide by my way of how things should be done, or stay at home! In fact, the world would be a much better place if every inhabitant subscribed to my rules of the road, believed the way I do, joined my Political Party, and enjoyed Indian cuisine. Yes, six billion clones of Blaine Little would make the world a better place… for me.

Awakening from my dream-state, I realize that will never happen. I will never have the honor of issuing an edict providing for the backs of hands to be smacked by a ruler should they not pull the little lever on the steering column. Children will never stop doing things that embarrass their parents, and parents will never stop doing things that embarrass their children. Though, I do savor the opportunities to make my kids cringe.

What we are all chasing, that to which we all feel entitled, is control. Control of society, the political process, our family, our work, and even from time to time, God Himself. Oh yes, we like to espouse what God would or would not do. Well, it’s a good thing none of us are Him. Corporate CEO’s, Generals, and Doctors all look good in their respective articles of clothing, but none of them are in control. They just want you to think they have it all figured out, which is the reason for suit, uniform, and lab coat. The harsh reality is none of us are in control. We never were. I will not even go so far as to say we are only in control of ourselves… because we’re not.

Attempting to gain control is a futile exercise which ends in anguish. It’s a workshop on self defeatism. Putting our hands on those things in our environment in order to change the course in which our circumstances lie is like teaching a cat to fetch a stick. Well, have you ever tried it? All you do is wind up aggravating yourself; I have the blood pressure pills to prove it.

What we really want is; peace, love, happiness, and a certain amount of satisfaction in our work. Here’s the irony; we don’t need control for ANY of those things! We can find peace by knowing God is in control, and living the way He would truly have us to live our lives. We can start by “loving our neighbor”. Some will even love us back. We can find happiness in our family, so long as we are willing to accept all their imperfections. We can feel satisfied by taking the right attitude into work with us.

Good things will inevitably come our way, but if we hold on so tight to things in our present, we will completely miss the opportunities of the future. The sooner we stop trying to gain control, the sooner we can just start living. Perhaps they just didn’t make turn signals on that model of car.

www.MomentumSeminars.com



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