Are you LISTENING to me? Well, probably NOT!

When I say the word; "communication", what comes to mind? Likely you think of someone speaking, either publicly or inter-personally. You might  have even though of MASS communication which brings to mind TV and radio. Either of which involves someone talking. Have you ever stopped to think listening is part of that communication? In fact, it's exactly fifty per cent. It doesn't really matter what someone says if there is no one there to listen. Without the other participant in the communication process, the idea put forth might as well be an individual thought never leaving the senders mind. It's like that old adage, "if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it... who cut it down", or something like that.          

As a public speaker, I am all too aware of the importance of constructing thoughts in such a way, it will be understood and hopefully, well received by my audience. Also important are vocal qualities and platform skills. However, I am completely at the mercy of my listeners as to whether they WANT to receive my message. When it comes to small groups or talking one-on-one, the same concept applies. The effectiveness of my idea or concept is only as good as someone who is willing to hear and accept it. Again, I am at their mercy. We have all had those conversations where we were not sure our partner was truly listening, or perhaps we even "zoned out" ourselves. Why in our culture, do we put such an emphasis on the one doing the talking as the one who is active, engaged or putting forth an effort when it comes to sharing ideas? We view the one making the noise as someone DOING something, but what about the receiver? Is that person not also supposed to be actively engaged in the conversation?    

Indeed, "active listening" is a skill, unfortunately, not one appreciated my most people today. Many will be polite and allow someone else to finish his or her thought, but the entire time they are deep in thought as to what they will say next. "Quiet time" is only long enough for someone to shut up. But when the shoe is on the other foot, can we be assured to receive better consideration? That's why I like to quiz my listeners with "what are YOUR thoughts on that"? In truth, we've all been caught off guard at one time or another. Here are a few pointers to help you listen more actively; 

Rest - your mind. Don't jump to a conclusion of what you think the other person is going say next and suspend judgement until they have completely finished their thought.

Resist - the urge to interrupt with your own thought or point of view. Instead, when you have a salient point write a one-word note to prompt yourself to visit that idea later. We must also resist the urge to judge. Allow the talker to finish his or her statement. Scrutinize his or her thought only after that person has completely explained the idea. 

Respond - with short signs of attentiveness such as; "oh", uh-huh" and "I see". Short questions, such as, "What happened next?" will show your communication partner you are listening. Also, send visual cues that you are engaged in what the person is saying by nodding your head and uncrossing your arms. 

Restate - on occasion, in your own words to let the listener know you truly internalized the point they were making. Comments like "So, you're telling me your challenge with this project is..." assures both parties are on the same page. 

Reiterate - what you believe to be key points of what the speaker is saying. This could even be done in the form of a question and followed up with "tell me more about that". 

Reflect - on the entire message when the other is done talking. You may even want to apply what you heard to your own experiences or something that affects you. How could what you just learned HELP you?

By following these simple concepts, you can eliminate much confusion which might otherwise accompany a dialogue. Not only does this apply to interpersonal speech but to sales calls as well. By simply listening, you may uncover a new need or unstated objection that will eventually lead to the sale. When someone is talking, just be patient, hear them out and when it's your turn to speak, insist they do the same.

Are You Aimlessly Wandering as a Manager? You Should!

In management, you have not only the position of leadership but all the responsibilities that come with that appointment. Even though one may be "the boss' or at least a functionary of the boss, there are still duties to perform and decisions to make. That means reports, analysis, deadlines and directives. Most of those duties and decisions cannot be passed off to members of the team or crew because... well they're not the boss, you are!

This means countless hours poring over facts and figures, writing memos, attending meetings and working late in a tiny little cubbyhole you call your office. More than likely, your business school professors never told you about that part of this glamorous job. Nonetheless, it falls to your sense of duty to get comfortable behind your desk and scratch your head while reading a memo from the Accounting Department which states, "this doesn't add up". In order to get things done, you simply cannot afford to spend that much time in the bullpen or on the shop floor, right? Wrong... WAY wrong!        

If there is one thing to learn from Machiavelli's The Prince, besides when it is politically advantageous to not be cruel, it is that of being present. No prince can rule from a foreign land. It doesn't matter what systems are in place, things will naturally break down if people don't hear from, and most importantly SEE their leader. You physically have to present yourself to your team to say "I'm here".

Yes, "when the cat's away, the mice will play", but maybe not for the reasons you think. There are those in every workplace who will do as little as possible while they are in it. However, there are those who sincerely want to put in an honest day's work as well. Without a certain amount of oversight, work will slow down and those loyal to the company will lose focus and feel downright abandoned by management. People look to a leader to ensure they are on the right track and that their efforts won't be a waste of time. They need instruction, guidance and even the occasional inspiration. Believe it or not, that doesn't come from reviewing reports. Those concepts must be communicated and a proactive leader must not wait until an employee knocks on the office door. We all know, by that time it is often a much larger problem that could have been quashed days ago, if only we knew about it then.  

Occasionally getting up and walking around for no particular reason is actually a very effective management tool. Years ago, Tom Peters wrote about this activity and called it Management By Wandering Around (MBWA). Though, we have seen this practiced throughout history where great leaders such as Abraham Lincoln would "pop in" and make their presence known. The intent is simply to see what's going on. In the course of doing so, you will identify issues that need your attention as well as come in contact with those who can fix overlooked problems; your employees. 

To be clear, I'm not talking about micro-managing, skulking behind the office planter or crawling on all fours from cubicle to cubicle. The point is to be noticed. Members of a team often see only their specific function and simply may not recognize a problem for what it is. Not only is this a good point to delegate someone to eliminate an issue before it grows fangs, it is also an opportunity to interact with the rest of the crew. They fully expect there to be guidance from one who is more experienced, but will grow to resent your absence. Without your presence, they will start making their own productivity decisions that may not be in line with that of the company. 

From a point of morale, people want to know the leader is there. They want their work to be validated and the workers to be appreciated for their effort. It is important we praise their actions and give correction where needed. We also need to connect with people on a human level. Asking such questions as "how was your weekend?", "did your son do well at the track meet?" and "do you have pictures of your sister's wedding?" is not a waste of time. This seemingly idle chit-chat leads to respect and trust. These are two things that must flow in either direction if a team is to be successful.  

Notice, Peter labels this as "wandering". There is no set time, course or agenda for this movement. It's simply walking around your department to see what's there. This could be in the morning or afternoon, or both. Carrying a pen and small notepad probably isn't a bad idea either. During your leisurely stroll, take the time to interact with the people who make you look good by asking them if there is anything they need from you. Initially, your employees will be down right puzzled by your daily jaunts, but after a week or two, they will be use to it and view them as normal behavior. In fact, they will anticipate your arrival and many times have questions or concerns for you to address. Many of these issues would never have come to your attention had you not made yourself available to your team. 

Blaine Little
http://speakingforeffect.com/
BlaineSpeak@gmail.com
 

Still Waiting on Your "Moment of Zen"?

About a week ago, I had the fortune of meeting Rudy Ruettiger. You know, of "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy..." fame. Though given his small stature, he was still able to do what everyone said he could not do on the Notre Dame football field; COMPETE. I remember watching this inspirational movie with a room full of my Fraternity Brothers back in the mid 90's. His life, and the movie are truly motivational. Sean Astin's portrayal of a doggedly determined young man reminded all of us to simply never give up on our dreams. Though none of my Brother's would ever admit to it, I knew for certain several were almost in tears. I however, maintained my composure... well, at least in the A-frame where we were all assembled.

 

When I heard Rudy was coming to town, I knew I needed to see the man and hear him speak live. For years, I had heard he was a powerful keynote speaker, who was very motivational. Not only did I want to pick up some pointers on public speaking, but I confess I also wanted to feel "inspired". Inspired to do what, you ask? Well, I wasn't exactly sure, but if I did a back flip, or just ran around the gym floor like a chicken with my head cut off, THEN I would know I got my 20 bucks worth! So many times, people find themselves waiting for someone to give them a reaction. ANY reaction. All too often, these people go down a negative path thinking this other person will eventually bring them happiness. Okay, fine, we all need those little jolts to our system every now and then, but why wait on someone else to do that for us?  

 

A "moment of Zen", is when a Taoist does something to preoccupy their mind, while waiting for truth to reveal itself. Stuff like contemplating one's naval. All I ever found was lint. Or perhaps to ponder the paradoxical question "what is the sound of one hand clapping?" Here's the answer; it's exactly half as loud as two hands clapping. But do we really need an outside influence, or to put our brains on hold to have an epiphany? Wait, let me think on that for a while.... NO! The answer is "no", we do not need to put our brains on hold!  

 

During Mr. Ruettiger's speech, the one thing he said that really stuck out in my mind the most was; "Dreams come to you when you're inspired". I had to ponder that for awhile. What did he MEAN by that? Was he speaking a higher wisdom, than my little mind could not translate? Was this a carefully crafted syntax that only a few people in the room, who attended a secret meeting before, would be able to understand? Was this a "code" of some sort? No, I believe what he meant was if your life is mundane, or you do not feel inspired to do something great... seek out your inspiration. In the immortal words of another equally motivational movie (City Slickers), "Go find your smile".  

 

You don't need a "guru" to tell you how to be your best. Just LOOK at all the people around you who have already overcome great adversities... or in your own life. Then ask "how can I bottle that"? How can I keep my goal ever present and in the forefront of my mind? For some, those questions may be more basic; "what makes me happy", or "what makes me feel good about myself"?  These are really good questions with which many so-called successful people still struggle.   

 

So, let's review. I attended an event with a motivational speaker, only to have that speaker tell me I didn't need him to be motivated. Essentially, I could be my own source of inspiration to help me realize my dreams. Now, THIS was my moment of Zen! My "ah-hah" moment! The epiphany for which I was looking... and I could have just stayed at home.    

 

So, would I ever pay to go hear Rudy speak again? Well, yeah, probably. But not because I need some new pearl of wisdom that would unlock the secret of life-long bliss, I just need a gentle reminder from time to time to make sure I am on the right track. Also, it was nice to know that Rudy himself was so... nice. After the event, he took time to shake hands with everyone who wanted to see him. As a long line of people told him one after another what his story meant to them, I would occasionally see him come almost to tears. To which neither I nor my Fraternity Brothers would ever allow. But maybe Rudy really is the bigger man after all. "Thank you", Rudy! NOT for inspiring me, as much as reminding me I can motivate myself. 

 

 www.SpeakingForEffect.com

 

Talk a Good Game!

Talk a Good Game! by Blaine Little

I have long said, "real estate is a people business"! Oh, I can hear the rumblings now... "But Blaine, didn't you swear off cliché's and erroneous business maxims in this blog"? Good catch! I knew I could count on you to keep me honest.

What I mean by realty being a PEOPLE business, is that it actually has little to do with real estate, or the property itself. Unless you are a builder, or investor, your commodity as a Realtor is in the service you provide, not brick and mortar. How many times have we been contacted by a potential buyer wanting THAT particular house, only to realize for one reason or another, it was not suitable for them? At that point, do we camp out on the front porch of THAT property, or begin to work with the buyer?  You see what I mean by it being a "people" business.

That being said, there is a whole new kettle of emotional problems in working with clients versus a house. Yes, emotions come into play when you work with people. It's not so much a buyer wants THAT house, but rather what they think it represents. How will their family be affected by the move? Are their children safe here? Does this dwelling allow the family to accomplish it's goals? And those newly single may not wish to be reminded of times at their prior residence, or the pain of losing a member of their family either through separation or death. We think of the experience being most emotional for our buyers, but we must remind ourselves, sellers are people too. Typically, we just don't see them as often, and may not consider what is going through their minds.

But, unless we are also clinical psychologists, how do we deal with all these feelings, which aren't even ours? The answer to this complex problem is simple; we talk. We ask questions of our clients, understanding their first response may not be the most accurate. We advise, tell stories, give feedback, and ASK for feedback. We must constantly "take the temperature" of those we are trying to help. Which means asking some of the SAME questions throughout the process to ensure our clients needs and wants haven't shifted once they receive more information about the real estate process. I learned early in my career to not WAIT for my people to offer comments, or ask questions of me. Often times, they don't know what to ask, don't want to look ignorant of the process (which is why they hired us), or feel a bit overwhelmed and simply don't know where to begin.

As the professional, it is up to us to anticipate problems and ask questions before they get too big. For some of us, this does not come easy. There are those in real estate who are very good with numbers, and willing to do whatever it takes to hammer out a good deal for the people they serve. But, is that enough? These are the left-brain people (much like myself), who don't understand why someone would seem disappointed when "the numbers look really good". We must continue to probe, and pull the details out of the minds of others.   

For those of us not suited to reading the impressions of our listeners, it may be a good investment to enroll in a public speaking course at a community college. There, you will learn to judge your listeners' reaction to the information you impart, to see if they are following what you are saying. Or for that matter, to better analyze whether what you are saying is even relevant to your clients. Dale Carnegie Training and Toastmasters International are also wonderful organizations to help you with speaking, listening, and critical thinking.

The fact that you asked the exact same question a week ago is completely irrelevant! All people change their goals to accommodate what obstacles life throws their way. It is OUR JOB as professionals in the business to keep up with our clients shifting desires. A house doesn't change its wants and ambitions, people do that. Life would be so much easier if real estate were truly a housing business.


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