Are you LISTENING to me? Well, probably NOT!

When I say the word; "communication", what comes to mind? Likely you think of someone speaking, either publicly or inter-personally. You might  have even though of MASS communication which brings to mind TV and radio. Either of which involves someone talking. Have you ever stopped to think listening is part of that communication? In fact, it's exactly fifty per cent. It doesn't really matter what someone says if there is no one there to listen. Without the other participant in the communication process, the idea put forth might as well be an individual thought never leaving the senders mind. It's like that old adage, "if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it... who cut it down", or something like that.          

As a public speaker, I am all too aware of the importance of constructing thoughts in such a way, it will be understood and hopefully, well received by my audience. Also important are vocal qualities and platform skills. However, I am completely at the mercy of my listeners as to whether they WANT to receive my message. When it comes to small groups or talking one-on-one, the same concept applies. The effectiveness of my idea or concept is only as good as someone who is willing to hear and accept it. Again, I am at their mercy. We have all had those conversations where we were not sure our partner was truly listening, or perhaps we even "zoned out" ourselves. Why in our culture, do we put such an emphasis on the one doing the talking as the one who is active, engaged or putting forth an effort when it comes to sharing ideas? We view the one making the noise as someone DOING something, but what about the receiver? Is that person not also supposed to be actively engaged in the conversation?    

Indeed, "active listening" is a skill, unfortunately, not one appreciated my most people today. Many will be polite and allow someone else to finish his or her thought, but the entire time they are deep in thought as to what they will say next. "Quiet time" is only long enough for someone to shut up. But when the shoe is on the other foot, can we be assured to receive better consideration? That's why I like to quiz my listeners with "what are YOUR thoughts on that"? In truth, we've all been caught off guard at one time or another. Here are a few pointers to help you listen more actively; 

Rest - your mind. Don't jump to a conclusion of what you think the other person is going say next and suspend judgement until they have completely finished their thought.

Resist - the urge to interrupt with your own thought or point of view. Instead, when you have a salient point write a one-word note to prompt yourself to visit that idea later. We must also resist the urge to judge. Allow the talker to finish his or her statement. Scrutinize his or her thought only after that person has completely explained the idea. 

Respond - with short signs of attentiveness such as; "oh", uh-huh" and "I see". Short questions, such as, "What happened next?" will show your communication partner you are listening. Also, send visual cues that you are engaged in what the person is saying by nodding your head and uncrossing your arms. 

Restate - on occasion, in your own words to let the listener know you truly internalized the point they were making. Comments like "So, you're telling me your challenge with this project is..." assures both parties are on the same page. 

Reiterate - what you believe to be key points of what the speaker is saying. This could even be done in the form of a question and followed up with "tell me more about that". 

Reflect - on the entire message when the other is done talking. You may even want to apply what you heard to your own experiences or something that affects you. How could what you just learned HELP you?

By following these simple concepts, you can eliminate much confusion which might otherwise accompany a dialogue. Not only does this apply to interpersonal speech but to sales calls as well. By simply listening, you may uncover a new need or unstated objection that will eventually lead to the sale. When someone is talking, just be patient, hear them out and when it's your turn to speak, insist they do the same.

Well, If You ASK Me...

We Realtors® are by and large gregarious, fun-loving types of people who take pride in our work, and love to see our clients smile. We want to always place those smiles on their faces because it is instant reinforcement we are on the right track and our people love us. Oh, how FUN real estate is! But if our powers of observation lead us to a potential pitfall, or if we have to break bad news, we tend to get a little shy in our approach to speaking with our people.

If our buyers want to move on a property we suspect is already listed under market, or if our sellers wish to reduce the list price, we are all too happy to offer our opinion. Yet, timidity sometimes sets in when we discuss a purchase price, or whether to accept a counter-offer. After all, that's an administrative minefield, and we don't want to look bad if our advice backfires. However, whole deals will go south if we do not offer our advice. Our clients will become confused, frustrated and leaderless. In short, we fail when we do nothing.

Why should we ever wait for our clients to ASK us anything as it relates to the real estate process? It seems amazing when an offer comes in and the professional simply throws the paperwork on the table, and asks "So, what do you think"? That's not offering advice, that's being a currier. Our clients hire an industry expert, and deserve better. In fact, if they don't get the service they think is owed them, they will go elsewhere.

Of course, the people we represent are under no obligation to actually take our advice, but it is comforting for them to know our idea is an option. Years ago, I was showing a home in rural Rutherford County. The property was almost a century old, the floor slanted, there were cracks in the drywall, and through an attic window, it appeared to be hewn timbers between every other rafter. I actually said "PLEASE, do not buy this property!" I was fearful from a safety standpoint. I told them we could continue to look for homes elsewhere. But the dwelling reminded the lady of the old homestead growing up, and the man insisted he was handy enough to make such repairs himself. They bought the house against my objection.

Ultimately, our clients hold all the decision-making cards. Much to my relief, when  I visited them a month later, almost all the repairs had been made. So, do I feel ridiculous for voicing my concern? Absolutely not! In fact, before moving forward on the purchase, they did take time to more deeply reflect upon what it would really take to make all the repairs once they took possession. So, I did my job.

As Abraham Lincoln stated "A lawyers time and advice is his stock in trade". Whether we advise to; accept, reject, or counter; go high, go low, or go home, our clients expect a certain amount of guidance beyond where the GPS tells us to turn for the next appointment. We need not always wait for them to stare at us in stone silence before we open our mouths. They are already waiting for us.


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www.MomentumSeminars.com

Slience Is Golden

The Holidays are here, and some of us will spend more time with our extended families than we spent in the first eleven months. Hey, it’s family, what could go wrong, right? Well, you all know the answer to that! Nonetheless, this is the time of glad tidings, and good cheer. So, why not give them the gift that may ultimately reward us in the long run; silence.

If you are in management, education, or sales, you are taught to talk, and talk a lot. Talk every chance you get. But, when grandpa start describing his latest stomach ailment in graphic detail, or when little sis goes on nonstop about her fifth boyfriend this year, it may be time to pause, and spend some time on the OTHER half of communication; listening. You don’t have to have a degree in psychology to know there may be a greater reason for our loved ones to “dump” all their problems on us.

Perhaps they think WE are the only ones who will actually listen to them. Think about that, just remaining quiet, could be very important to those we care about. This is not to say the project should be attempted without a good stiff eggnog, but it is an exercise in your own level of compassion. By remaining quiet, and hearing them out, we remove ourselves as active participants in their latest challenge, dilemma, or scheme. When we are just with them in a nonjudgmental way, we allow them to vent, and remove what they have been carrying around with them all year long. Don't attack them, defend them, or try to "fix" the problem. Instead, just hold your tongue. They may finally move off the point of their own issues, and ask about you! Nonetheless, they will be convinced, it was one of the best “conversations” they ever had with you. So this year, give the gift that is worth its weight in gold, just be quiet, and LISTEN.

http://SpeakingForEffect.com/

Can We Talk?

Can we talk?  By Blaine Little

I have long said “Real estate is a people business”. Yes, I know it sounds cliché, and I guess it is, but don’t let that deter you from the truth, and simplicity of the statement. I personally have nothing to sell you other than myself and the services I provide. When it comes to selling, a “widget” is something much easier to retail than is the concept of home. The buyer wants to have the pride and security of owning a three-, or four-bedroom house. Convincing them that we have the knowledge, and years (or months) of experience to make their dreams come true, is a much more delicate sales pitch.

So with that in mind, why would we not grasp the importance of good communication with our clients throughout the entire process? Whether they are buyers or sellers, they need the reassurances we give them. Reassurances that technology in and of itself simply does not provide. As an instructor, I teach a two-hour continuing education class entitled Professional Courtesy; Etiquette and Consideration in the Real Estate Industry. In it, one of the concepts I briefly convey the importance of remaining “high touch” in a high-tech world. Today, we have so many modes of communication at our disposal, but is it one size fits all?  Be it good news, or bad, from time to time (and many times), we simply have to look our clients in the eye and give a status report. But how is it best done to convey a message or update in a way that is still personable?

            My personal preference is; in person. Though the restrictions of time and distance dictate many of these occasions are over the phone. As of yet, I have never taken on a client without first meeting them, or having an in-depth dialogue, so I just assume they expect a certain amount of face, or talk time throughout the entire experience. For the first home buyer or seller, real estate can be pretty intimidating. Yes, even in the 21^st century, a certain amount of “hand-holding” still has to take place. As Realtors, perhaps that’s our most important skill; assuring people we didn’t forget about them, and that everything is going to be O.K.

            Much communication in the past few years, whether business or personal, has taken place through short message service (SMS) or “text messages”.  These are short, one-way electronic notes. We have seen instances where teens, college students, and many of us may send texts back and forth a dozen times or more. So, the question begs to be asked; why not just make a phone call?

Texting has two distinct advantages by its very nature. A text is fast and convenient. But does every communiqué have to be fast and convenient? Should it be? Some of its downfalls are that it does not provide the details of an email, nor is it a true conversation. Perhaps the biggest disadvantage to SMS is you cannot see the face of the person reading your words.

I have often been overheard stating that “texts are of the devil”, but I’m not going to say that here. You can’t see it right now, but I promise you I’m giving the “winky face”.  So, when to text, and when not to text? Consider your expected outcome of the communication. Is it to update a minor point, or to impart important details for your customer or client which with to make a decision?

There is a place, time and subject matter for everything and that includes texting. Some acceptable texts, provided you are not driving, mountain climbing or delivering a baby, could include…

“I’m running a few minutes behind”

“I had your flyers made, and will place them in the box this afternoon.”

“I updated your online photos”

These messages are routine, almost mundane in nature. At no point does it require the client to make a decision or otherwise stop what they are doing. However, on the other hand…

“Your loan was denied”

 “The house has termites”

“The contract fell through,... I’ll call you Monday afternoon”

…should probably never be texted. And no, a smiley face does NOT make your clients feel better

after any of these quips.

            After all how would you feel to realize your dreams were potentially shattered in a note that was limited to fewer than 150 characters? We’ve all heard of the boy who breaks up with his girlfriend through a text message. It’s just considered… well, inconsiderate. So many times, we truly don’t know what our clients think or feel. Though we can get a sense if we see how they react or at least hear the inflections in their voice.

So, before you fire off that short electronic note or private message someone through a social media site, consider the receiving side might not read it exactly as you thought you wrote it.  At least with an email, you have the length to better clarify your message. 

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