An Unholy Trinity

My wife is from the Gulf Shores. She has lived in both Mobile and New Orleans. I was once a skinny man before I married this amazing cook. She was taught by her Granny about the core ingredients that go into a good, homecooked, Cajun meal. Those basic components are; onions, bell peppers and celery. Known as the “holy trinity,” they are absolutely essential to Louisiana cuisine. Of course, garlic, parsley and other seasonings may be added in, but it all starts with this trio. It would be neglectful to not include these elements to a gumbo or other family favorite.

People follow family recipes because they are tried and true. If you’re going for a particular flavor, you have to know what to put in and what to keep out. But what ingredients could be detrimental to a recipe? My wife is a bit of a gumbo snob, so if the wrong thing is added, she will instantly notice it and lay the bowl down. There are several items that could be added to taint the flavor, thereby ruining an otherwise phenomenal meal. The same can be said about business and our personal growth as well.

When it comes to attaining happiness, wealth, independence or any other measure of success, we need all the right ingredients but nothing that would sour the recipe. Yet, that is exactly what happens to many of us in our attempts to achieve noble goals. We know any worthwhile pursuit will take attributes like; courage, integrity, decision-making and a dozen other skills. But three characteristics of our belief system that will hold us back are what I call the “UN-holy trinity”.   

A few things that are often roadblocks to where we want to be in life are; guilt, worry and perfection. Unfortunately, most of us suffer from at least one if not all of them. We will discuss what these three have in common, but for now, let’s take a closer look at each.

Guilt is what we experience when we wish we could go back in time and alter a relationship or an event. Well, there is no time machine but that doesn’t stop us from dwelling on how we could have done something different. Unique from disgust, or even shame, where we know we are in the wrong, guilt robs of our joy and keeps us in a state of psychological misery. If we inadvertently offend someone, the disgust of our actions often turns to shame because we know we are at fault and have legitimate feelings of regret.

But guilt is imposed on us by others, even if subtly. It could be one person’s judgement of us and how we should act or a societal norm that says we do not measure up and are less than good. But who decides what is “good”? What is “less than” a measure of? It’s all an arbitrary value. Yet, guilt is a favorite weapon for those who wish to manipulate us into hurtful feelings either to compel us to take an action other than what we would normally, or simply because the manipulator is a sadistic individual. Whatever the reason, they know they’re powerless to control us and have to resort to this unscrupulous tactic. Don’t fall for it!

Another bitter ingredient in our lives is that of worry. We have all suffered from this at some point. And that’s a real shame because this one we subject on ourselves. This is not concern or preparedness, it’s just a self-imposed hell! Worry is simply putting ourselves into a state of panic. It saps us of energy as we panic over the very worst that could happen. Worry also robs us of our creativity to actually find a solution, because it is very hard be creative when we are stressed out.

This is one that I have struggled with for most my life. For me, I believe there is some cosmic force
counting the amount of time, energy and emotion I spend in this state. It’s as though I believe freaking out will make things better. No, no it won’t. No amount of anxiety has ever paid the dues for a favorable outcome to our problems. We simply dig ourselves into a hole and waste time.  

But I have gotten a lot better over the years. I have been able to let go of the need for fretting over things that may be out of my control anyway. Once you accept that you are going to be out of control most of your life, it’s actually very liberating. Taking an inventory of what we CAN affect and letting go of everything else is a first step to real problem-solving.

The third troublesome component is that of perfection. Even when we achieve success in something, it’s just not enough. We many times feel compelled to go beyond in order to get it “exact”. This belief is the definition of a malcontent. This striving for ultimate preciseness may be self-imposed or from an external stressors such as a boss or family member.  

Yes, done really is better than perfect, because perfect doesn’t exist. Even the universe created by God himself, has no straight lines. Yet no one is complaining when they visit the Smokey Mountains or Yellowstone National Park. We take what is there and create lasting memories for ourselves and our loved ones. If you’re waiting for conditions to be just right to pursue your dreams, you will be waiting quite a  while.  

I hate to bring up the old baseball analogy, but it is a very good example. A .330 batting average is considered really good in the pros. Phenomenal, even! Yet, that means they screw up and MISS the ball 67% of the time. Think about that, where else can someone work and fail two-thirds of the time? If a waitress messed up the order the majority of time, she would be fired. But Babe Ruth and Ty Cobb are legends in MLB. It’s all a matter of perspective as to what success looks like. Even if you do attain perfection in your own, someone else will view it as less than complete.

So, what do these three ingredients have in common? Well, these toxins are destroyers of hope and happiness, for one. Rarely in life will things ever be “just right.” They are also time wasters that rob us of energy and productivity. We fixate on issues that have little to no relevance on actually resolving issues.   

Perhaps the biggest revelation to me was that none of these are true emotions! Depending on what psychologist you ask, there are only a handful of actual human emotions and the unholy trinity is not among them. They are simply manufacture, man-made if you will, mental states of angst. They are artificial and should have no bearing on how we make decision and live our lives. Yet like hemlock or nightshade, they exist though they have reason to ever go into a recipe.   

And just for fun, try some of these authentic Cajun recipes; https://www.realcajunrecipes.com/